Hes jokes
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.
"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.
"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
The South Tower proposed to the North Tower, but he said no.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?
Because he's too high.
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.