Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
why did little johnny drop his ice cream? because he got hit by a bus
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood His hand caught on fire
What would Donald Trump be if he was Black?
Shot in the head.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?
He took away their ottoman!
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard the gunshots, he would’ve probably thought it was the ice cream truck
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
