Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.
What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"
"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"
So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."
He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”
The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
