Herring jokes

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?

Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?

I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.

If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.

If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.

If her age is on the timer, I don't care if she's a minor.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

How do you make a lesbian upset?

Give her a multiplication test.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.

Someone asked the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton why she lost the 2016 presidential election to Donald John Trump, and the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, "Because someone asked her what she would do for a Klondike Bar?"

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.

One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”

“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”

“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”