Hereness jokes

In America, you have Pop-Tarts. We in Germany here have Toastbrot.

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ my titties, and then I felt a shoe get shoved all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE’S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched, and got smacked in the face. Went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF r u starin at," I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I though this this isnt over motherfucker imma find u and kill u next thing i new i was in the hospital they told me why tf were u fighting a stops sign? I said what u were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign i sad bitchi aint crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka

(insert funny joke about a dick here).

Did you laugh? Be honest.

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

Hello 🤩 I'm here to ask, are there more doors or wheels? Like for doors, dislike for wheels. Comment for your reasons. I'm interested to see what will happen.

Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:

1. USA was NEVER invaded!

2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!

3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!

4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.

5. We have more allies than you.

6. We are smaller but stronger.

7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!

How do terrorists feed their children?

"Here comes the aeroplane!"

"And here comes the second one!"

I'm gonna finally put a stop to the fucking drama. I saw people bullying other people for years; Gwen was not the only one. No longer will I put up with this. No longer will newcomers. For God's sake, just do jokes! Please! If you want to bully someone, do it in your family! You people don’t even know each other, but we're still going through this same fucking shit every fucking day! Just make jokes, people! That is why it’s called “Worst Jokes ever” not “Bully people forever.” So shut the hell up and get to joking! Jesus! The only reason why I came here was to spread jokes and kindness like Gwen and others, not to spread hate and foolishness from people who don’t even know better things to do but to hate on stupid strangers from different parts of the fucking world!!!

“Addison, fuck off already, you're only 10 years old. What do you know?” I might be 10, but during my time here, the tragedies and horror I've experienced on this website have shaped me into someone more mature, able to share this wisdom. And if you're gonna laugh at me, spit in the face of me and my generous teachings, you will fall. I swear to God, I will make you wish you could never feel pain. But that would hurt me more than you. Please, stop the drama. That's all I ask. Together, we can make this website great again, like it once was.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.

There was a man who had just moved from a foreign country. He just moved into his apartment and was watching his favorite TV shows. The first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!"

There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him, "Sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. The man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." The cop said, "Sir, what did you use?" and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives." After that, the cop said, "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" The screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"

Shortly after the hole was finished, everyone in the forest was looking for long grass to fill the hole. The upper layer covered it with short grass and scattered some grass around the hole so it didn't seem as conspicuous. The next evening, the villagers hid in their houses and turned off the lights and waited inside, while one of the farmers stood outside and, if possible, unobtrusively skimped on a cart.

Around midnight, the Headless Rider appeared with his horse in the village. He saw the seemingly single peasant scooping his hay and rode towards him. He was about to swing his axe, and while he was doing so, he overlooked the slightly more scattered grass near the farmer – and thus fell into the trap. He clumsily slumped into the prefabricated hole together with his horse and now lay there helplessly inside, together with his horse, which swayed in panic as the rider's axe was stuck in its back.

When the villagers heard this, they all stormed out of the houses to surround the hole. They saw the Headless Rider, and when he noticed all the villagers around him, he cursed: “Gaaah! You stupid villagers caught me! I can't do much down here. I give up.” The villagers took his axe away from him. Now they only needed a just punishment for the rider.

One of the villagers shouted: “We should tie him to a rope and hang him! He tried to kill us all and plagued us for a long time. So we should kill him and let him suffer for a long time!” The other villagers agreed with him. So they tied a thick rope to a branch of a large tree that stood in the village garden. The villagers took the Headless Rider out of the hole and dragged him to the rope. As they were about to hang the rope around his neck, they noticed that something didn't fit in their plan to hang the Headless Rider. Then the Headless Rider cried out: “You stupid mortals, I have no head at all! Why are you trying to hang me?”

You want to hear a joke?

Your mom.

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

I’m a god, and I’m here to flex on you bitches. My flight to New York on September 11th was rocky, but I lived.

Imagine dying on a plane, fr. At least try and respawn:/

Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."

Two muffins are in an oven.

One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"

The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"

Me- *crying in the shower*

Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*

The Tupperware people came to our house. They asked my wife, "Where's the kitchen?"

Sorry, I have only lived here for 3 months, but my jewelry is upstairs in my jewelry box located in my bedroom.

Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"

The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.