Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says” alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here” his mom comes rushing in and says” little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!” After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says,” ok, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in be kitchen”
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.
Kid: I have the corona virus
Nurse: here is an ice pack
What did the south tower say to the baby north tower
Here comes the airplane
What do parents feeding their kids and terrorist have in common? “Here comes the airplane!”
Teachers: when ever there’s a school shooting hide under the desk Students: hiding under desk Shooter: Well no ones in here
KATGOD HERE IS A NEW CHAT BOX
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast? "Here's the beef of the week!"
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ̈You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you? ̈ The Cuban simply says, ̈See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap. ̈ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Oh, OK. ̈
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ̈You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you? ̈ The Russian simply states, ̈See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap. ̈ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Ah, yes! Of course. ̈
The American scratches his head and goes, ̈I think I see the pattern here. ̈ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window! ̈
You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.
A plane is about the crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out. A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a person man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, takes of shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
“Dude come here and see a rabbit!”
“Ok!”
“Are u ok man?”
“Yeah I’m fine”
“Dude pull your pants back up!
I called my mom on Alexa and she told me "please take out the trash" and I said "but I can't ur not here
Me, "Hey are your parents home?" Orphan; "Stop calling here."
*me in the corner*
Technoblade: makes jokes about orphans while in hospital
Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss
Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!
Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??
a priest sees a man about to commit suicide the man says "I have nothing to live for here I will die go to heaven and get 72 virgins" then the priest says "no need for this I will take you to the local elementary school"
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
