Her jokes

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Yo mama so stupid, her favorite color is clear.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my other girlfriend.

What did the Queen Bee say to her bees?

"Beehive yourselves!"

What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?

Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?

She was drunk.

An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

Why does your grandma like gardening so much?

Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair, she looks 15.

What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?

Her boner.

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?

Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!