Her jokes
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.