Her jokes

Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.

Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.

What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?

Kick her.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you told her twice.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

What does a transgender call his/her parent?

Transparent.

Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.

Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!