Her jokes

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.

How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?

Kill her afterwards.

Coworker, why is Sara so blue?

Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you with your husband together out of love. You better watch out dear, she might "saraorize" him, with her crooked teeth and ultra-thin lips.

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

Yo mama is so stupid it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.

Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.

I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.

What did Caesar call a person?

She-Caesar.

Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?

A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.

Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.

Him: I work with animals all day.

Her: Awwww what do you do?

Him: I'm a pornstar.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

Yo mama's so dumb, her dad said, "You're driving me crazy," and she said, "I didn't know crazy was a place!"

I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.

She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...

Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?

Because she had none of the above.

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."

"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."

Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.

Someone asked the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton why she lost the 2016 presidential election to Donald John Trump, and the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, "Because someone asked her what she would do for a Klondike Bar?"