Her Jokes

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

What did the mom say to her house? "I love you"

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh for god's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.

Yo mama so fat, her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!

A 10 year old girl reported to her friends that her 16 year old male babysitter was touching her inappropriately. He quickly lost his job as a babysitter.

A 10 year old boy reported to his friends that his 16 year old female babysitter was touching him inappropriately. She quickly became the most popular babysitter in town amongst boys.

What do you call 3 orphan girls in a tornado?

All of her twist.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!