Her jokes

Wish

    • 30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

  • 9

    • Chocolate

    • The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"

  • 3

    • Divorce

    • Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."

  • 18

    • Driving Test

    • Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.

    Mom: "Okay, any questions?"

    Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."

    Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."

    Marijuana

    • I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.

    So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!

  • 1

    • Mama

    • Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

  • 3

    • Number

    • I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said "Sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!"

    Her friend corrected her by saying, "She means: 666-3629."

    Cow

    • There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.

    The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"

  • 2

    • Orphanage

    • There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.

    Anorexic

    • I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.

  • 0

    • Superman

    • Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.

    He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.

    He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.

    Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

    The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."

  • 0

    • Snail

    • One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.

    The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)

  • 1

    • Surgery

    • I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.

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