New Help Jokes - Page 15 - Worst Jokes Ever

disabled people can help wold to get printed copy of " LEANING TOWER OF PISA "

exactly leaned at an angle

What did one Koala say to the other?

Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAuuggh!

When your mum tells you to help your granny And you in plug life support

What did one nut say to the other nut ? Help

How can you save a depressed person from a tree? you cut the rope

Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?

So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.

If Italy attacked France from the rear,.,.,.....,. . Would Greece help!

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch? He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.

I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.

Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."

Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."

Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."

Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."

Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*

people say I should be proud of my autism but truth be told I'm only in it for the help in class

tech administrator of a school: hm, a message from google security? tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT! assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME? tech administrator of a school: WEVE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE! assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board

A FEW MOMENTS LATER

head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! that's a good one, almost as good as the one with jack, jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right? head of school board: *whispers* yeah were fucked...

TWO HOURS LATER

important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!

AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER

I got pranked so many times once I saw two wheels rolling down the street I hear this noise I look behind me there's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming "HELP I CANT GO ANYWERE'' but I walked away I knew it was a prank

“One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and...“ He is interrupted. “Why are you saying this aloud?” A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, “You wanted to know how to live on your own. But I guess experience is more helpful,” he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

Q. There were 2 sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named? A. Denephew.