Hearing jokes

Did you hear about the bad joke? No? It hasn't been made up yet. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

Poor guy really needs some space.

Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.

Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?

I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

Hey, I haven't been on for like 2 months. I don't know who is still on here or like if everyone left, but yuh, I just decided to come back. Hey.

Did you hear Stephen Hawking has a new book out?

It's about time!

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?

She ended up under the doc[tor].

Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

Worst joke ever.

Q: Wanna hear a bad cat joke?

A: Just kitten!

You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.

Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?

It had nine shots and seven chasers!

Did you all hear about the newest gay celebrity couple? Yeah, John Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn.

Did you hear that Ted Nugent had a beer thrown at him at one of his shows?

Answer: He was okay. It was a draft, so he dodged it easily!

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.

Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.

Falco: Wat...

Sorry to hear you feel like poo!

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.