Health jokes

What's bad? A nut allergy.

Like if you are scared of Covid-19.

I think I gave you the coronavirus because I can't stop staring, a-choo!

A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.

The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:

"Num num num num num!"

What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?

$2 billion and high cholesterol.

What is the difference between cremation and smoking?

While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.

I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.

Depressed people are lame because they are just lame, no reason.

Why is mercury like everything else in the world?

Because it gives you cancer.

I'm hertophobic -

aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.

I'm hertophobic.

It means I'm allergic to straights.

So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"

How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.

I'm a recovering cake addict.

As the coronavirus pandemic strengthens...

Trump - "Quick, inject yourselves with bleach!"

Also Trump - "I order everyone in America to wear a face mask except for me!"

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."

Your mama so fat that when she went to McDonald's, they said, "Sorry, you've had enough, ma'am."

What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.