I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.
Health Jokes
Depressed people are lame because they are just lame, no reason.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
I'm hertophobic.
It means I'm allergic to straights.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
I'm a recovering cake addict.
As the coronavirus pandemic strengthens...
Trump - "Quick, inject yourselves with bleach!"
Also Trump - "I order everyone in America to wear a face mask except for me!"
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."
Your mama so fat that when she went to McDonald's, they said, "Sorry, you've had enough, ma'am."
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.
COVID-19 won't last long... it's made in China.
A cop pulls over an old man.
The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The old man said, "No."
Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!
