Have jokes
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
Having a stroke?
Stop it!
Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.
A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."
"Then how about Karaoke?"
To which he replied, "I have two left throats."
A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?
I have two balls. Gay people have 23456789.
When you have an ex, you will notice that the word "ex" is short for "executed," so that's there for yous.
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
Have you ever heard of horchata? Horchata, fuck up!
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.
My friend: Yo stupid.
Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?
My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*
Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.
I made a website for orphans, but it didn't have a home page.
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
The best thing about an orphan? They don’t have to suffer from "your mama" jokes.
Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.
Toilet paper: Ya, right.
What do 9/11 and 911 have in common?
They're twins.