Have jokes
So my brother said we should start a band, and I said I already had a band. So I gave him my band and he said he was talking about music, and I said, "Well, I do have a trum-bone ;)"
No one. Beyoncé said "To the left, to the left!" She really meant women have no rights.
The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.
Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.
The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.
Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.
The person I hate: Rood.
Me: Shut up.
I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That I will never get old.
Have you ever had African water??
Neither have they.
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
Why doesn't The View have anyone on it who is trans? They just look like they are.
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
What do an Apple and an Emo have in common?
They hang from trees.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
Flat girls be like, "I will have breasts in the future." This is to all the flat girls: you will never get it.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.
Why did the serial killer let the guy in a wheelchair go? Because the guy didn’t really have any body for the serial killer to stab.
Stop blaming Bush. He is white, it couldn’t have been him.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
Q: What gun does Africa not have?
A: Water gun.
Why is it easy to defeat America in Clash of Clans?
Because they have already got 2 towers down.
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.