Have jokes
I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.
If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.
Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?
He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.
There's a truck full of babies. What's worse than that? One baby being alive. What's worse than that? That baby having to eat its way out. What's worse than that? That same baby coming back from seconds.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.
Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.