Have jokes
I have a joke about death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Think about it :)
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they...
Why did the fridge have lots of friends?
Cause it was COOL.
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
Have you tried eating a clock?
It's time-consuming!
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.