New Happiness Jokes - Page 14

A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."

Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.

Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.

Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"

Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?

Timmy is dead.

If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.

Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P

What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?

"Happy Death-Day To You!"

What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.

You, I didn’t see you there. The pizza place is hunted bad, so you are scared 😱😱😱😱 and so you run and you see your grandma, and you were happy again forever and ever ha ha so funny 😁. The end or is it bye-bye?

Why am I so sad?

Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

Guy feels something on his back.

“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”

“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”

Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.