Happening

Happening jokes

Ad

Lawyer

    • A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

    An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."

    But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"

    Ad

    Flavor

    • Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*

  • 1
    • Happening memes
    Ad

    Orphan

    • Why do your orphans not drink beer?

    Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.

    Ad

    Bank

    • One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

    It’s a wood hulem.

  • 0

    • Boob

    • Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

    I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

    Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

  • 2
    • Ad

    Pedophile

    • I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.

    The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"

  • 0

    • Hitler

    • My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

    I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

  • 2
    • Ad

    Sans

    • Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?

    Because a SANSET is happening.

    Airplane

    • A blonde crashes an airplane.

    Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

    Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

    Officer: *face palms self*

    Also officer: Here's your sign.

    Ad