Happening jokes

What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.

What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.

What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

God made me pretty, what happened to you?

What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?

You get salmonella.

Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?

A: No, what happened?

Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!

An Irish man walks out of a bar. It can happen.

What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?

— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

What happens when the music note starts to misbehave?

Then he gets into treble!

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

Q. What happens when a pedophile spills his coffee? A. It leaves an EP-stain.

Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?

Because a SANSET is happening.

You were born on the freeway, you know why?

Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈

What happened when a hammer punished the nail?

He hit him.

What happens if you sit under a cow?

You get a pat on the head.

What happens when you cross a pig and karate?

A pork chop!

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

It's hard to predict the future,

especially before it happens.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?

He became a shell of who he once was.

What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?

It becomes a chestnut.