A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
HA Jokes
What do you call a deer that has no eye? No-eye deer!
What’s the difference between a basketball player and an orphan?
One has a home to run to.
Q: Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
Guess what song was playing during 9/11? Timber by Ke$ha.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple has a family tree.
Yo momma so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down!
Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity.
But she so ugly people are repelled by her.
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"
And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."
Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
