Guy jokes

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”

A man is depressed and he sighs. A bully says, "Stop sighing, you sound like some guys having a threesome!"

What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)

It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.

If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.

What did the fat guy say to the tree?

"Get me some coconuts!"

Stop making 9/11 jokes, guys! My uncle died in that event. He was the best Arabian pilot in the world!

Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3

A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."

So I replied, "No, it doesn't."

What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?

RoboCop.

Did you guys know that Chancellor Palpatine is suing Nike?

Apparently, the company stole his slogan: Just "Do It."

An emo kid and a silent kid would be a good acquaintance because the emo would wish to die, and the silent kid would be the nice guy and grant that wish.

Guys, what do you call an un-aborted and parentless child?...

An orphan.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.