Guy jokes

A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

What do you call a guy from India calling you?

A scammer.

What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?

He said, "Fuck this shit!"

Guys, let's make this post have the most comments on the whole website.

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. They hire me to do it.

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.