Guy jokes
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.
Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
Guys, let's make this post have the most comments on the whole website.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR
What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?
"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!
I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.
We started playing rocket league.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”