Boy:crap I hit a deer Girl:awe...I guess It’s not so much of a dear Boy:...
Boy:get the hell out
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks”Hey, if I can make you laugh I don’t have to pay.”The girl in the window says,”ok.”The guys says,”A little boy named Timmy lost his arms.”The girl says,” oh no!”The guy says”and his dad left him when he was 4.”The girl says “uhh yeah.” The guy says”Ok,I guess I’ll be paying then” The girl asks”Ok,And what name will that be under?”The guy says”Timmy,I’m Timmy.”
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed
Me: My gf broke up with me yesterday and I had her wheel chair
Me: guess who came crawling right back
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. Clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today ma'am...we have every flavor you can imagine". Old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream". The clerk says, "Sorry ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have". ""Ok" she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream". The clerk says just a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream". The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?". Finally totally exasperated the clerk says, "Wait a minute lady. Can you spell Van as in vanilla?". "Why of course young man" she says, "V-A-N". "Right" the clerk says, "Can you spell Straw as in strawberry?". "Well of course, Straw", she replied. "Ok then" he says, "Now spell Fuck as in chocolate". She says, "There's no Fuck in chocolate". He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!".
Which room has no doors and no windows?
Guess what's 'tiiiimmeeeee ABDE'?
....yes, it is long time no see
*World war 2 going on and then stops* Me: I guess you vould say it was a gory-ious battle.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
Im deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who i met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess i didnt see the signs at the time.
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do I usually just want to talk, I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5 , I get shutdown so fast , I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring
Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.
kid just becomes an orphan, well i guess its better than being a hobo.
i heard there is a zozo hobo who eats all your pringles
My friend said "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, your gay." so he did it and i said "Well i guess now he's straight" ;D
guess what ?
good guess
What did the French Fry 🍟 say to the Hamburger 🍔?
I guess that’s a wrap!
I thought fruit tasted good. I guess i was wrong
have you ever heard of Jane Doe? well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!!!
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
The date is April 1st Somebody asks you what’s you are doing “I guess you could say I’m... fooling around ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)“
