Guess jokes

I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.

He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.

Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

When you are losing at Tetris, I guess the odds are STACKED against you.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

Guess why Stephen died?? Because his wife forgot to put him on charge at night.

My friend tried to sleep on napkins.

I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?

"I'm stronger than you."

This isn't a joke.

There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

Digging stuff up is too hard.

I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.

I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.

My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

I guess this is pretty plane.

I am sorry I am just winging it.

Wow, I guess these jokes haven't taken off.

Wow, I just landed that one!

I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!

So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

Guess what? Chicken butt.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Anal.