Ground jokes

What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?

The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?

Because he was grounded.

What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

What do you call plane crash victims?

Down to earth people.

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

How did Stephen Hawking really die?

His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!

One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."

The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."

The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

What do you call a cow that skydives without a parachute?

Ground beef.

Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?

9/11 victim!

Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.

How do you ground a Gen Z?

Make them go outside and socialize.