Ground jokes
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!
The north and south towers got into an argument.
The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."
The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."
The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.
What do you call a cow that skydives without a parachute?
Ground beef.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.
How do you ground a Gen Z?
Make them go outside and socialize.