Ground jokes
What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
Floor on the road?
What did the policeman shout to the cow running away?
"Get to the ground, beef!"
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."
The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."
The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
What do you call a cow that skydives without a parachute?
Ground beef.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
How do you ground a Gen Z?
Make them go outside and socialize.
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.