Ground jokes

Suicidal people are groundbreaking.

What do you call a cow that skydives without a parachute?

Ground beef.

What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?

They both finished the races.

I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.

I don't know why my friends look disgusted.

Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?

They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Oh cool, something we have in common."

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

What do a politician and a minister have in common?

Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?

The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.

Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.

"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."

So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?

The blond because she had to ask for directions.

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?

"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"

What do a mole and an eagle have in common?

They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.