Grief jokes

What is a thing orphans have that we can never have?

Imaginary parents.

What is an orphan's most hated baseball team? The Padres.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.

My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.

You know why orphans like boomerangs?

Because they come back, unlike their parents.

What makes an orphan jump?

A bridge.

Wanna know something the orphan could never do?

Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

Mom! Mom! My classmates called me an orphan!

Why did the orphan cross the road? They thought they saw their mother.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.

Except at a funeral.

How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

What do you call a nine year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Their dad never came home with the milk.