About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him bitches always come and go. He’ll looked to me kinda mad kinda confused and said that’s my mom dude
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral what song should you never play? Alphaville - Forever Young
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
Damn Really stole my friend glasses well now their blind but not really their dead.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage
So you start singing it’s the best day ever
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain. The email reads: „Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here“.
One day at school I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school I made fun of an orphan.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.
You were sad because your grandmother died. The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim and they had no life jackets. Doo Da suddenly started yelling, " I got one boys! '' as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way to large for him to get onto the boat and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock, but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da. Upon arriving at her house, they did rock paper scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell, again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, " I've been trying to call Doo Da and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, " We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we morn Doo Da today.''
Yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah I gave her everything She took my heart and left me lonely I think broken heart's contagious I won't fix, I'd rather weep I'm lost then I'm found But it's torture bein' in love I love when you're around But I fuckin' hate when you leave Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah
My dog died I'm so sad
Say this when you answer a spam call... Hi welcome to bobs taco shack and funeral home. Wear yesterdays grief is todays beef.
Once there was a woman who had a husband and a dog, the husband dies. The dog would always sleep under the bed and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down and the dog would like it to say she/he was alright. One night it was thunder storming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does he/she likes her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap. But the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can like too", in the dogs blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
I caught the flowers at a wedding-now married to a hot guy. But then i caught andit at a funeral i kinda nervo...............
(Phone call) This is Franks funeral home and grill where yesterday’s grief is todays beef. How may we help you ?
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion "What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, next I can become Bishop." said the Priest.
"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.
"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop." said the Priest.
"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."
"And then?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"
"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
