Grief jokes
I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
What’s the difference between milk and the air?
At least the air will always be there for me.
One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.