Grief jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
I started crying when my dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What is a thing orphans have that we can never have?
Imaginary parents.
Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.
What’s the difference between a dog and parents?
If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't hit a home run.
I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.