Grass jokes
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
Me: Hey friend!
Friend: Yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.
Friend: Touch.
Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)
Friend: Grass.
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass.
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
Why is emo grass better than normal grass?
Emo grass is gonna cut themself.
Memes
Tired of having to cut your grass? Dye it blue, and it will die itself.
I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.
How do you make the grass cut itself?
Make it depressed.
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
If you have emo grass and don't pay attention to it, it will cut itself.
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.
What is green?
Grass, you tard!
Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?
Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.
What did Africa say to the grass? Get off me!
Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.
Go touch some grass, bro.
Grass for lash.
Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.