Government jokes
A king ordered to execute a gay man.
The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."
What do you call a guy that lies a lot?
The president.
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
Why is Texas the worst state ever?
They only have one star.
CIA: Where's your head at?
JFK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Trump is ass.
Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?
Because they have to pay for road tax.
If brains were taxed, Slade would get a rebate.
Hey, Britain, no queen? :(
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."
"If you got a question, just shoot!"
What comes after 611? 711.
What comes after that? 811.
What comes after that? George W. Bush.
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.
King.
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
As the coronavirus pandemic strengthens...
Trump - "Quick, inject yourselves with bleach!"
Also Trump - "I order everyone in America to wear a face mask except for me!"
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
Kim Jong-Un thicc af.
"Bippity Boppity Boo, Donald Trump is gonna deport you!"