Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
(A scientist time travels into the year 2024) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
There are sexiest women in politics.
They should be in a car showroom.
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Three Nazis walk into a bar.
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!
Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.
I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
NASA's response: National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
Arinator's response: National Ariana and Space Ariana.
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
