God's Will jokes
I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.
"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."
"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."
I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!
God.
Why does God hate me?
Because I'm a gay minority who fights for women's rights.
Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's God's favorite Michael Jackson song? The Earth Song. πππ
Memes
Did Mary Have a Little Lamb?
I saw a kid on the curb. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at the orphanage!
God said, βLet there be light,β so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.
After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.
And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"
God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"
One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!
Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?
Orphan: *Sobs* "No."
God, I love working at an orphanage!
Yo mama so black, when God saw her, he said, "Let there be light!" but twice.
God said, "Let there be light," and it was lit!
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.
Oh God By Dixie Rect.
Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.
God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
Iβm a god, and Iβm here to flex on you bitches. My flight to New York on September 11th was rocky, but I lived.
Imagine dying on a plane, fr. At least try and respawn:/
Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.
Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
Yo mama's hairline is so god damn far back even Joe Biden wouldn't sniff it.
Me, Joe Biden: What do you mean *snifff*