God jokes

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

Did you know that..

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.

Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

"If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you" - Chris Tyson, MrBeast's friend, and your mom >:)

Thank God I went on the tenth.

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.

The dear God created the man.

Then he created woman.

When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.

Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?

God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!

God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?

My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.

Your hairline is so bad, not even God could save it.

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?

A: Where's the holy baby?