I am Thor.
And next year, I will be five.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Did you know that..
Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.
Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.
Your hairline is so bad not even god could save it
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
"If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you" - Chris Tyson, MrBeast's friend, and your mom >:)
Thank God I went on the tenth.
God, youโre having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
I can't have my Oreos ๐ญ Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
Iโm not religious, but youโre the answer to all of my prayers.
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: โOh God, protect me from falling!โ
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
My god, my egg jokes are eggcellent!
