Go jokes
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
Why can't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
'Cause he'd walk up the stairs!
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
A blind person walks into a bar.
Because they can’t see where they are going.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"