Go jokes
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
Hi, I love you. You know I do. What a good night of a good time and time to go, oooo!
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He read the weather forecast, you fucking idiot!
Your momma so fat, when she asked for a water bed, she got a concrete bed.
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”
That one kid putting Joe: -_-
Teacher: Who’s Joe?
The whole class: JOE MAMA!
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!
Where did the mouse go?
To the mouse-um!
Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."
So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍
In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
Do you want to play Titanic?
When I say iceberg, you go down on me.
What kind of star would go to jail?
A shooting star!
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.