Go jokes
What do you call a school bus driver that keeps going to sleep? A monster.
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
NASA is going to probe Uranus, and it might take a while to get there.
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't go home.
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.
What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!
I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
Why couldn't the boy go see the pirate movie?
Because it was rated ARRRR.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
Why couldn't the orphan go into the restaurant?
It was family friendly.
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.
The Cheerio Joke
Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.
So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.
The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."
Then it all happened.
The fly dropped six inches.
The fish came up and caught the fly.
The bear came out and caught the fish.
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.
The mouse went for the sandwich.
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
Bonjour all ;-) , nd here a frog ( French) joke lol.
Qui a inventé le mètre et qui a inventé le centimètre? (Who invented the meter, and who invented the centimeter?)
Answer: Adam à inventé le mêtre, parce qu'il voulait le (mettre) de dans... (Adam invented the meter because he wanted to put it in).
Eve à inventée le centimetre, parce qu'elle voulait, le sentir-metre (centimetre) Eve invented the centimeter, because she wanted to feel it when going in...