Girlfriend jokes

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?

Fill her closet with see-through clothes.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.