My Girlfriend asked "why is this test so long and hard?" I then said "you know what else is long and hard..." She was amazed!
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.
😏😏😕As We Speak Now Someone Is Making Arrangement For December With Your Girlfriend 😂😂😂
I went home to my girlfriend, with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
My heart broke as I went down up the stairs and my girlfriend broke her ♥️ heart
My girlfriend is soo fat that when she runs or walk she falls so I am breaking up with u
🙍🏼♀️Fat girlfriend: nooo don’t leave me catch me ahhh
🙇🏼♀️Fat girlfriend falls on boyfriend:ahhhhhh *dump*
🙇🏼♀️🙇🏼Fat girlfriend and boyfriend:fat girlfriend:u didn’t catch me wawawawa:boyfriend: get off me 900 pounds ugh I hate u
Story done pls like
Ur butt is bigger then my ex-girlfriend’s butt and I love it
I bet ur hairline gose inside ur private part and ur girlfriend can’t even touch it
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and airforces but as soon as I spend a $100 on hookers she leaves me
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
So my girlfriend left me i took her weelchair and she came back crawling back
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
Guy: shows girlfriend his dick girlfriend: " cool where is it?"
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
3 guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet and the psycho one says "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have"
The first guy says "Ha! My girlfriend has 6! I'm racked up!" The second guy said "Eh, I am happy with 2 balls" The third guy said "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says "Bro you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?:
I like my girlfriends new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one 😀
STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:
Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery? Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you Girlfriend: Ok cool I won 12 dollars heres 6 and don't come back
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared. I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her p-ssy - and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "f-ck her doggy" part either
