When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
Most states:
"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."
Alabama:
"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."
Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!
Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?
What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back.
Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: You're both!
Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!
