Girl jokes

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

Girls are like volcanoes.

You never know when they will erupt.

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."

Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.

Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"

Dad: "Ask your sister."

Girl: "I don't have a..."

What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Is Google a girl or a boy?

Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.

Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.

What do you call a girl above age 16 who says she is a virgin? A liar.

What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.