Girl jokes

An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.

Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.

Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"

Dad: "Ask your sister."

Girl: "I don't have a..."

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?

I don’t like the taste of broccoli.

This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"

I replied, "I done it as a joke."

-April 1, 2020

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

Boy: *scares girl*

Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"

Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*

Girl: What work?

Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"

Okay, boys are known to measure their dicks, but do girls measure their depths?

A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?

The helicopter blade!

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS

Why Should I Walk? By Iona Carr.

What Lonely Girls Should Do By Seymour Fellowes.

Unusual Window Decorations By Rod Curtains.

The Long Walk Home By Misty Bus.

Race to the Outhouse By Willie Makit and Illustrated by Betty Wont.

What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?

I moustache you a question.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

Where does a girl with one leg work?

IHOP.

A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.