Girl jokes

An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.

Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.

When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."

How does she know I have that?

I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?

Because they’ll get stoned.

What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!

Sorry, cringy joke.

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

"WASSUP GIRLS IF I FIND YOU I'LL GLADLY FUCK YOU;]"

A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"

Not a joke.

Any girls looking for a steamy hot man?

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.