Get jokes
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Dark humor is like food, some just don't get it.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.
Bing, bang, boom!
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me :3
Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?
A: Because they have the balls to.
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?