I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.
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What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me :3
How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!
I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
Dark jokes are like home. A lot of people don't get it.
Why do gay people like sports?
Because they get to play with balls.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
