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Football

Why are Indians so good at football?

Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.

9/11

What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

Smash.

(Get it?) 9/11.

Orphan

What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?

Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.

Memes

Suicide

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Baseball

I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.

Then it hit me.

Kid

What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...

What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))

Bone

Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!

Money

What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?

Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.

Bed

How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.

Bomb

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

Orphan

What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?

The vegetable gets picked.

Hospital

What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.

Marriage

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

Boob

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

Orphan

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.