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I saw a kid in a wheelchair, and he was getting bullied. I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
What name do you get if you mix the names Chris and Marisa?
Then you get the name Chrisa.
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
In life you either yeet or get yeeted, or you beat or get beaten.
I guess I failed.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
If I get an atom, I would split it with you.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
Why did Elsa let go of the balloon?
Car show: "Let It Go," get it?
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
Why did the child cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”