Get jokes
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
Why the actual f
is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not and no one will know the goddam difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, “It’s too offensive,” or something like that. Goddam, just take that shit somewhere else!
I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That I will never get old.
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
Why did the disabled chicken cross the road?
To get its wheelchair!
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.
Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?
Everywhere.
Want one way to get a free haircut?
Call the cancer hotline.
Why is an orphan's least favorite day field trip day?
Because they can't get a parent's signature.
What can orphans not get when playing a sport?
A home run!
What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?
This is a pig problem!
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
My dad went to go get milk.
Flat girls be like, "I will have breasts in the future." This is to all the flat girls: you will never get it.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Ok, wanna hear another one? Okay. Knock knock. (Who's there?) The chicken from the other joke.