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What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?
A milk dud 😂
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
Memes
What did one orphan say to the other? "Robin, get in the Batmobile."
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they get a corner, they build a shop on it.
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?
The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?
To get a daddy.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
Why do heterosexual men like to receive an anonymous blowjob at an adult bookstore? Because they don't want gay men and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out that they also like getting their cocks sucked by men, but they don't want gay and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out.