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What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?

Mourning wood.

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."

What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?

A milk dud 😂

I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”

Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”

How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

Can I get a HOYA?

Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?

Cause he’s dead.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

I made it, DON'T COPY!!!

If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...

How did the computer get out of the house?

He used windows.

My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"