Get jokes
Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.
My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
Why did I have to pay $300 on Uber?
I had to get from your forehead to your big ass nose.
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
Q: Why do orphans get on Facebook?
A: Because they get liked.
Time to go to New York to visit the Twin Towers.
They’re already getting closer.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"
Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked, and the other doesn’t.
What would Stephen Hawking do to get drunk?
Overcharge himself.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Dear Gwen, you are not a faker, nor liar, nor loser!
And the people that are bothering you are just dumb, stupid, bored, and need to get a fricking life instead! Don't hurt yourself because of these comments, to be honest, you're really nice, kind, and mannered! There are more kind people than mean people, and I am one of them! Just live your life and ignore Liv and the unknown guy, which is named Greg! No need for all this drama!
Best, Tenya Bailey.
Q: Why did the islamic chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the airport.
"Go get me the lamb sauce!"