Get jokes
I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"
Comment down below, does your grandma do this?
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
Because he can't get home.
Every time a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol.
My boyfriend said if I kiss him, I'll get lucky. I fell down a flight of stairs.
Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?
I entered Kian's house. At the top of the stair, I was greeted by my greatest fantasy, JOHN. He said in a manly tone, "Hello there." I walked slowly up the stairs and greeted him back. As I walked past his room, I felt uneasy. I walked into Kian's room to find no one. I turned around and gasped. John is standing there, a bulge had appeared and poked me as he got nearer. He pushed me onto Kian's bed. The bed was that bad it broke as I fell onto it. John says, "A broken bed is nothing to worry about." I look up at him in disbelief, he's more masculine than I thought. He thrust himself onto me, his crotch area sticky to the touch. He then ripped a fart as he bent over, at this point I knew it was too late John, the fart he ripped (sticky to the touch) had me so in shock I wasn't ready for what was next, he picked and jumped on my head ripping the most monstrous, enormous, deadly, sticky to the touch fart I'd ever seen, it knocked me out. I awoke to find I was in the WALLS. I looked out to find I was in the glory hole, my worst nightmare had become reality, I fully understood my purpose in life was to the holy glory hole, I heard "GRANDAD CAN I GET SOME V-BUCK" I then knew I was in for some Kian treats.
The end
I was wondering why the tennis ball was getting bigger 🤔
Then it hit me 🤧😂
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅
Witches do not wear undies. Why? To get a better grip on their broomsticks.
A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."
Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
Why did Sellwood get named?
It is made of wood that got sold.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
What do you say to the orphan?
"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"
How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.