Get jokes
What do you get when you cross a blonde chick and a garden tool?
A dumbass hoe.
What do you get when you cross Freddie Mercury and Dracula?
A dead man with AIDS.
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
Why did Anne cross the road?
To get a new head ;)
THE ANIMATRONICS BE LIKE WHEN YOU ABOUT TO GET JUMP SCARED
Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."
Her: "No."
What do apple trees and orphans have in common?
The apples get picked.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
Why did the booger cross the nose?
Answer: To get to the other hole.
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?
My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"
Comment down below, does your grandma do this?
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.
After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"
The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"